Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
