i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
