God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize