last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
