No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
