his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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