dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
