I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
