She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
