Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
