the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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