so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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