i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
