i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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