i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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