paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
