I am puke
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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