Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
