there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
