So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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