I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
