Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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