I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
