I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
