I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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