Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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