Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize