There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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