i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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