Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
