I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
