you guys were way drunker than both of me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Someone came in the potted fern
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
