The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize