I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
