What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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