But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
