Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
