I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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