And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
