Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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