My cat gives me a boner
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
