4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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