I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
