She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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