No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The Olympian is in my bed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
