Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
