You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
