Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
