So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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