I got chris browned last night
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
