Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
