i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
