He felt like a one man threesome
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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