I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
