He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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