im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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