I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
