im having a threesome with these popsicles
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
