ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
