i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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