You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
