So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
