Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
