dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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