Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
