Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I touched a dick in church today
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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