U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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