You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
