dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
