DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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