when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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