he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
