loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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