I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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