I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think I sprained my soul last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
